SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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