we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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