it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
