All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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