I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
