I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
