Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
