Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
