my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
