she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
where are you?
Hypothermia
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
