Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
