I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you traded sex for a burrito?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Acid is not a monday night drug
Operation Purity has been aborted
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
