Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
