He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
