Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
