Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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