i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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