exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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