Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
