I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
