drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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