What did we do last night that was yellow?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
