Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
