i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
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I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize