Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
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She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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