i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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