I am puke
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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