with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
