i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
