idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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