Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wish i was in the wii world.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
