woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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