no. you can't hotbox the world.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
