this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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