I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
