u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Someone came in the potted fern
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
