I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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