she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
