she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
