Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize