your room smells of hookers.
And success
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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