I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
