when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
How's work?
Spinning.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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