I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You smell like stripper and shame
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
