I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
