i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
