Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
COCAINE IS GR8
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
