he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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