I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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