she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
