My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
