I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
