Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
