im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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