We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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