the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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