She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I love you.
Bad choice
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
