I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
