yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
