It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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