But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
