he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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