guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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