just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you have to choose: penises or morals?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
