he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
where are my eyebrows?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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