i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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