The best revenge is premature balding
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
